Cobra & Alexis: (Crusaders MC #3.5) Page 5

  Minutes turn into hours and I’m restless. I scrape my hands over my face, trying desperately to claw away the tiredness that plagues me.

  “Relatives of Alexis Newman?” A man in a white coat and stern expression asks as he walks through the door.

  “That’s me. I’m her next of kin.” I rush toward the doctor, my hands clasped in front of my face. “Please tell me its good news.”

  “At the moment, Miss Newman is stable. We don’t know the full extent of the damage she’s caused to her body until she wakes up. At the moment, she’s in a medically induced coma to let her brain and body recover. We’ve pumped her stomach and blood tests shows she had a high level of Oxycontin in her system.” He pauses while he consults his notes. “We’re monitoring her brain, which is a little swollen from the drugs, but we won’t know more until she wakes up.”

  I blow out a relieved breath, thanking the doctor numerous times for saving her life. “How long will you keep her in a coma?”

  “A couple of days, at least. It’s the best way to ensure she has the rest she needs to recover. I must ask though, why would Alexis overdose?” His eyes land on me. Can he read my thoughts? My emotions? Does he suspect something completely different to what is actually going on?

  “I’ve just sought advice from someone close to me about her behavior lately. She had a baby not even a week ago. My friend says her behavior sounds like post-natal depression?” I pose the last bit as a question, seeking answers from a medically trained professional.

  “Can you describe what’s happened since the birth?” The Doctor clicks his pen and has it poised above a clean sheet of paper. I explain to him everything that has happened, the rapid change of attitude, not accepting the baby and refusing to say her name.

  A beat of silence passes before the doctor says, “Yes. It sounds very much like a severe case of post-natal depression. She should have had help as soon as this started.” Fuck. How the fuck was I supposed to know what was happening to her?

  “I thought it was just hormones, doc. I have no experience in this shit!” I roared. Frustrated, I pull at my hair as I turn my back to the doctor. “I didn’t know. This is our first child.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put the blame on anyone. I was just stating a fact. When she wakes and is coherent enough, we’ll get a psychiatrist to go in and speak with her. It might be the case of her staying on the psychiatric hospital for a couple of weeks to get her on the right medication that will help with her depression.” He looks at his pocket watch that he has attached to his scrubs. “I must go, if you have any questions because ask one of the nurses to page me.” With that, he turns and walks out the door, shutting it quietly behind him.

  “FUCK!” I roar, kicking at the bin that sits by the door.

  Not long after the doctor leaves, Prez comes barrelling in like he’s got a rocket up his ass. I felt like saying, ‘where’s the fire?’ but the worried look on his face makes me bite my tongue.

  “Is Alexis okay? What happened? I only got a vague voicemail from Champ saying you guys were here.” He takes a seat while heaving breaths like he’s run a marathon.

  “They’ve put her in a medically induced coma and have pumped her stomach. They won’t know how much damage she’s done to her brain until she wakes up.” I say all this without taking a breath, and telling it again makes my heart ache. Regret, another emotion and that’s weighing me down. I knew something was amiss, yet I wrote her that note out of anger and spite. What was going through her mind to be so selfish? Selfish enough to take her own life, leaving behind a newborn baby and…me. It makes me angry that she didn’t just talk to me, this could have been avoided and we could have gotten her the help sooner.

  I want to hit something but a couple sitting in the corner, hunched together with tears streaming down their faces, stops me. Instead, I dig my fingernails into my skin. I drop my chin to my chest and just sit there, waiting for the nurses to let me see her.

  1 week later

  Beeping noises fill the dark void of my brain, the clinical smell of bleach fills my nostrils, making my stomach churn. My mouth is dry but swallowing seems difficult. Something is lodged down my throat, stuck there. I panic as a coughing fit takes over my body.

  “Calm down, Miss Newman. There’s a tube down your throat and I need to remove it.” The soft lilting voice of a woman sounds distant yet she’s close as she places her hand on my shoulder.

  Not a second later, when I’ve forced myself to calm down, the tickling in my throat as she removes the tube makes my gag. Once it’s removed, I can swallow, though it hurts like a motherfucker. “Water,” I croak, my voice barely above a whisper.

  “Here you go. Take small sips through the straw.” I have yet to open my eyes but the woman sounds nice, like an angel. Am I dead? Is this what heaven feels like? Taking small sips of the ice cold water helps my throat and clenches my thirst. I sigh in bliss as I feel it trickle down into my stomach. “Better?” I nod in answer, not trusting my voice yet.

  “Sweetheart, you’ve had me so worried.” Now my sense are coming back to me, I can feel the pressure of a hand holding mine. “Open your eyes, baby, I need to believe you’re here.”

  My emotions come back full force at hearing his voice, my heart beats wildly in my chest. I snatch my hand away and start screaming for him to leave me alone. I don’t want him to be here and my failed attempt at taking my life stirs the growing anger in my gut. “Leave.” I can’t stomach to say more than that.

  I hear a chair scrape back and moments later the door slams shut behind him. Grimacing, I don’t where the hate toward him came from. All I can remember is having a baby, jealous of Dominic’s affections toward her, coming second place to another person who’s only been in this world… A week maybe? I can’t remember. I remember taking the pills, the welcoming blackness that came…that’s it. Now I’m lying on a hard mattress with a thin sheet, and a stranger caring for me. It should be Dom caring for me. But he loves that baby more than me.

  I tentatively open my eyes but quickly shut them against the light that fills the room. It hurts my head so bad.

  “Take your time, honey. The doctor will be coming to speak to you soon.” She pats my hand before moving away.

  Taking a few steady breaths, I open my eyes again and force them to stay open, the glare of the overhead lights hurts but I refuse to close my eyes. I look around the room, trying to decipher where I am.

  The window is hidden behind pristine, white blinds. There’s an ugly green chair that’s been pulled up to the bed and there’s a tray in the corner of the room with surgical gloves, syringes and gauze. I’m in hospital, not heaven like I wished.

  Another thing I’ve failed at. I can’t even take my own life and succeed. If I can’t do that then what the hell can I do?

  I’m not sure how long I lie there, staring at the white painted walls of my private room, but soon an older man in a white lab coat enters. His grey hair makes me assume he’s in his fifties, his eyes are a vivid green and he has a warm smile on his face. Behind him, a lady, possibly in her mid-thirties, enters and smiles kindle at me.

  “Hello, Miss Newman, I’m Doctor Hascroft. I’ve been in charge of your care since you arrived a week ago.” A week? I’ve been in here a week? What the actual fuck? “This is Doctor Farmly, she’s a psychiatrist from a psychiatric facility close by and is here to help you.”

  A psychiatrist? Okay, so there is something wrong with me? I’m not just a total bitch? Maybe I do need help and I’ll welcome it with open arms.

  “Miss Newman, we had to pump your stomach and place you in a medically induced coma. You’ve been on a drip of saline and antibiotics for seven days. You have to understand how lucky you are to be with us today and to be functioning, it seems, normally. I’ll schedule you in for a CT scan this afternoon to check your brain for any irregularities.” He goes around checking my vitals and noting them on a chart before saying, “I’ll leave you with Doctor Farmly. She wi
ll be able to tell what aftercare you’ll need.”

  “Thank you,” I mumble quietly, overwhelmed with a variety of strange emotions.

  The Doctor nods his head, leaving the room with long strides. Once the door has clicked shut behind him, Doctor Farmly perches on the edge of the bed and takes my hand in hers. “Don’t be afraid, I’m here to help you get back on track and back to your family.” The word family has my stomach in knots and a lump in my throat. I don’t know what that is right now. “I know this must be a harrowing experience, but I believe you are suffering with post-natal depression. We can help you over at the facility. You’ll be there for two weeks minimum until we have you stable enough to be around Amalie.” Her name makes me grimace.

  “Please, don’t say her name.” The doctor smiles at me and nods her head in agreement.

  “No worries, Alexis. We’ll be transferring you over there as soon as you have been discharged from here. You’ll have no contact with anyone while you’re there so we can be sure you’re focused enough in getting better. We’ll put you on a short course of medication and daily therapy to help you talk through how you feel. Does that sound like a good plan to you?” She enquires. I’m glad she asked for my opinion, I know by the way she’s speaking that I don’t really have a choice so I just nod in affirmation. “Great. I’ll be seeing you soon then.” She pats my hand, standing to leave. Giving her a weak smile, I close my eyes. Sleep sounds like a damned good idea right now.

  1 week later

  “How are you feeling, Alexis? You have been here seven days now,” Doctor Farmly asks with a smile on her face.

  I’m starting to feel like my old self, the self-loathing is going and my emotions are settling down. I’m able to say my baby’s name without feeling jealously and hatred. My heart is starting to warm to Amalie and I can’t wait ‘til she’s back in my arms. I need to apologize to her, not just Amalie but Dom as well. I haven’t had contact with anyone since I came into the facility. Being focused on art therapy, dance classes and counselling has helped keep my mind busy. The medication is definitely working as I don’t feel like ending my life. I realise now how selfish of me it was to even try it. How could I do that to my family? Guilt is the one emotion left that I need to work with, but that’s going to take time.

  “I’m starting to feel like my old self again,” I reply, a genuine smile on my face. I honestly forgot how it felt to smile, to feel happiness in my heart. “I feel like I can conquer the world right about now, and I’m starting to really miss Amalie and Cobra.”

  “I’m so glad you’re feeling better, and to hear you say your baby’s name makes me extremely happy with your progress. You still have a week left here, Alexis, and by the end of your stay, you’ll be off the medication and ready to be reunited with your family, who I must say, are quite relentless at getting information from us about you.” I laugh at that, I know how tenacious Dominic can be. I’m a little surprised by the fact he still cares enough to check up on me, it warms my heart that he really hasn’t given up on me. Whether he’ll let me back into our house and back in Amalie’s life is to be confirmed. I voice this to Doctor Farmly.

  “I’m worried Cobra won’t let me back into our home or anywhere near Amalie after the way I treated her. I’m scared he won’t take me back.”

  “Alexis, you honestly have nothing to worry about. He calls at least three times a day to check on how you are. If that doesn’t show how much he loves you then I don’t know what will.” The gentle smile on her face tells me she isn’t lying. He really does care. The thought alone makes my heart squeeze and an ache build in my chest. Damn, I miss my hot badass biker. “I can see by your face that this pleases you. Your progress in a week has been astounding, and I’m happy to release you next week.”

  I stand, with the biggest grin on my face. “Thank you so much for all your help, doc. Without this therapy, I probably would have tried to take my life again. I may have even succeeded the next time.”

  “You’re welcome, Alexis. Go on, Art therapy starts in five minutes.” After one last smile, I turn and leave with a spring in my step.

  Two days, that’s all I have left to get my shit together and get back to my family. I’m so excited to see everyone that everywhere I go, I have a slight bounce in my step. I’m definitely back to my old self, being cheeky with everyone and anyone. Even though I adore this place with its surreal scenery and pleasant staff, I’ll be glad to see the back of it.

  The first week was the hardest week of my entire life. Real freakin’ hard. Not having contact with the outside world made me feel like I was in jail, not that I’ve ever been there, mind you.

  I haven’t interacted with anyone inside this facility except the staff. Most of these people look like psycho’s, scaring the ever loving shit out of me with the continuous screaming. I’ll be definitely glad to not hear that all through the night.

  My room is gorgeous, faded floral wallpaper covers the walls, fluffy beige carpet spreads across the entire space and the window looks out to the extraordinary gardens. The en-suite is large, with a claw foot tub and a walk in shower. The vanity is small, but considering I don’t have any cosmetics with me anyway, it doesn’t matter.

  I have my own little kitchen in the corner of the room equipped with a kettle and microwave. I have one set of dresser drawers and a built in wardrobe to the right of my king size bed. It’s a beautiful room and I’ll be sad to be leaving it. It’s been my home for almost two weeks, but I’m ready to sail ship and get out of here, back to my Amalie and my Dominic.

  A knock on my room door startles me and I casually walk over and swing it open. “Good morning, Alexis, how are you feeling?” Doctor Farmly asks as she steps into the room.

  “I’m feeling on top of the world actually. I can’t wait to get out of here. No offense.” My face feels hot with embarrassment. I hope I didn’t offend her because this place is actually pretty damn cool.

  “That’s excellent news. You’ve been off your medication now for three days, and I’m glad there’s no relapse in your emotions. I’m really pleased with how far you’ve come.” Her smile is wide and her eyes shine with…I have no idea what. Proudness? Maybe. “So we’re discharging you from this facility tomorrow morning. How does that sound?”

  “You’re not joking right? I can go home tomorrow?” I start bouncing on the spot and squealing, so unlike me but I’m so freakin’ excited.

  “No, I’m not joking. Cobra will be here at ten tomorrow morning to take you home. He sounded just as excited as you are, except he didn’t squeal like you just did. Here, this is your going home pack. It has all the numbers for the facility and your bed will be here for one month just in case anything happens and you need to come back.” She passes me a little tote bag and I peak inside. Many leaflets and business cards, along with a few treats for myself and a certificate.

  “Wow, thank you so much. I’m sure I’ll be fine once I’m home and back to my usual routine. I can’t wait to give Amalie a big squeeze and finally start being a good mom.” Not being able to help it, I lurch forward and hug the good Doctor fiercely. “Without all your dedicated help, I wouldn’t be here today. Thank you so so much.”

  The doctor laughs as she pats me on the back. “You’ve come a long way in such a short time, I have no doubts at all about you being fine. I have to run but I’ll be here to see you off in the morning.”

  After she’s left, I read through some of the self-help pamphlets provided, passing the time essentially. There’s a leaflet about the damaging effects on family and friends of suicide victims, a pamphlet about post-natal depression and how to be sure it doesn’t return. There’s so much here that my head will probably explode.

  I want to jump up and dance around the room but I hold myself back. What if Dominic doesn’t show up? Where will that leave me? No, the Doctor herself said he was as excited as I was that I was being released. I wonder if Amalie has changed much, she’s four weeks old now, is she smiling? I can’t wait
to see her.

  I’ve been a pretty shitty mom, but I’m determined to make it up to her anyway I can. And if it’s the last thing I do, then I’ll die a happy woman trying.

  Today’s the day. I can’t fucking wait to get my hands on my woman. I’ve never felt so damn lonely than I have in the last two weeks. I’ve spoken daily with her Doctor and she’s immensely proud of Alexis’ progress, agreeing to let her come home earlier than planned.

  I’m sat outside the facility, leaning against my bike. God, I miss her so much. Checking my watch for the hundredth time, I finally decide to make my way inside to collect her.

  Walking up to the reception desk, I smile emphatically at the middle-aged woman typing away at her keyboard. “I’m here to collect Alexis Newman.”

  Her smile is wide as she replies, “I’ll just call the Doctor and get her to bring her down to you. I must say, I’ve never met such an amazing young lady. She’s definitely lightened up this place since she came here.”

  “That’s my girl.” I say this with pride and my smile can’t get any wider.

  While she’s on the phone, I take a seat in one of the plastic chairs by the ceiling to floor windows, crossing my leg over my other knee. They bounce as nerves hit me. Will she be a completely different person? Or will she be the same loving, kind, woman that I fell in love with.

  It doesn’t take long for Doctor Farmly to appear with an apprehensive looking Alexis beside her. Smiling wide, I make a beeline straight for my woman. Pulling her close, I kiss the top of her head and squeeze her tight to me. “Fuck, I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

  I can feel her chuckle against my chest and my hearts warms. Damn, I missed that laugh, seems like forever since I heard it last. “It’s so good to hear you laugh, sweetheart.” I breathe in the scent of her shampoo, and my tense shoulders relax.

  “Yeah, yeah, missed you too and all that.” She pulls away and gives me a cheeky smirk.